Business Etiquette 101: It Pays ($$$) To Be Polite!

Before last Friday, I glanced over the "Etiquette Lunch" on the Career Center calendar a few times and, I must admit, I judged a little...

Uh............... No thanks!

Maybe it's because I'm a quintessential millennial--a product of my generation--that the idea of sacrificing my individuality to be professional and please others has always sounded like my own personal hell. 

It wasn't until Shimrit, a career counselor, directly invited me to the Etiquette Lunch that I consciously moved past my judgments, overcame my bias for the word, etiquette, and recognized the opportunity for adventure and growth. 

Like I did with Career Center Counseling, I decided to jump in, give it a try, and see for myself just exactly what all this "etiquette" business (or rather "business etiquette") was all about...

On Etiquette

Business is all about people, and all etiquette really involves is making people feel comfortable and good.

It's being nice--Showing a lil' R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Because when you're nice, people will like you, and it really does pay to be liked! In the business world, this could literally add up monetarily! Or you could benefit through harvesting connections in your network-- meeting the right people, getting that big deal, making that big sale, or moving up the ranks of your company because the people at the top want to be around you!

Specifically in terms of dining, having knowledge of formal American dining etiquette can differentiate you from your peers and make you a competitive candidate for a job position. Maybe you and your co-worker are both really good employees, but who is an employer going to feel comfortable sending out with a client for a business dinner? That's who gets the promotion.

Dining with Confidence 

The Etiquette Lunch turned out to be a fun and valuable experience! I really enjoyed it. It was essentially a formal 4-course meal at a table with other people who signed up to be there, accompanied by a presentation by Jean Papalia, Director of Tufts Career Center.

I was seated with a fellow senior, a freshman IR major, a Fletcher student, and Denise Philips from the Africana Center. The random crowd made small talk a little challenging for me, but I loved that it mimicked a real world setting--I'll surely have to connect with people from diverse backgrounds on an actual business lunch.

We made it work: the conversation was lively.

Jean Papalia gave a great presentation equipped with clickers for an in-presentation quiz, funny photos of etiquette gone wrong, and helpfully outlined tips.

What I loved most about the presentation was that Jean made it clear from the start that she was teaching us the "rules," but it was up to us if and when to use them. With this newly granted freedom, etiquette transformed from a prison of social conduct into a tool I could use to impress higher-ups and be a great host to clients in a formal dining setting.

Jean's primary point about business dinner etiquette is: It's not about the food. As mentioned earlier, business is all about people, and all etiquette really involves is making people feel comfortable and good.

Still, for much of the lunch, I felt like I was getting "Princess" lessons. It was kind of fun for someone who was taught to be feminine her whole life...

What are your feelings on the board's compensation decision, Princess?

It was especially fun to learn about place settings--a basic know-how of etiquette. BMW was a helpful acronym Jean taught us to help prevent drinking from someone else's glass or accidentally stealing someone's bread plate. It stands for BREAD, MEAL, WATER. So your bread is on the left of your meal and your water is on the right...

Here's a diagram of a typical formal place setting:

Cutlery-wise, work your way in!

Some basic Formal Dining Don'ts & Do's

DON'T Be the first to order alcohol... Because if everyone else orders seltzer, you'll look be looking REAL LUSH. Jean recommends never having more than one drink. People do notice, and if you accidentally trip or anything later, they might instinctively blame it on your drinking.
DO Leave your napkin on your lap for the entire meal. The only time you should pick it up is to dab your face. At the meal's end, you can fold it loosely and set it on the table. If you need to get up, just place the napkin on your chair, and replace it on your lap when you return.
DON'T Don't touch your dishes. Don't move them around from where they've been placed. Let your waiter put them down and take them away. When you finish eating, don't stack your plates.
DO Take your time with messier foods, like soup! Spoon your soup away from your face to keep it from dripping, and then put the spoon in your mouth. With noodle dishes, don't cut your noodles or swirl them in a spoon--do swirl small amounts against your plate. It's easier and neater!
DON'T Spit inedible parts of food into your napkin. The rule is, the food has to come out of your mouth the way it got in. So if there's an olive in your salad, remove the pit from your mouth with a fork and place it on the side of your plate.
DO Cut your food however you like. At the lunch, we learned the difference between American and Continental styles of eating (and I'm sure if you're interested, there are demonstrative videos on YouTube), but it turns out both are acceptable styles in the United States.
DON'T Shove an entire piece of bread into your mouth. Instead, rip a small bite-size piece of bread off the roll, then butter just that piece before eating. It's really gross for others to talk to someone with a mouthful of carby-substance. And don't dip your bread into anything-- Not into your soup, not into your side dish--it's sloppy!
DO Include everyone in the conversation. If you don't know what to say, ask questions! People love to talk about themselves. Ask about career paths and courses, hobbies, the weather, movies and books. Stay away from topics like sports (it can be an alienating topic), sex/relationships (not as obvious as you would think!), politics, and religion...
DON'T Talk about anything too controversial. Having different opinions on a movie is one thing, but when you bring politics and religion into your dinner conversation, things can get really uncomfortable and distract from the purpose of the meeting.
DO Silence your phone and put it away. It isn't appropriate to set your phone to “vibrate” and excuse yourself from the table to take a call. The only exceptions are life and death situations like births, surgeries, and deaths, which count as emergencies.

Host-Guest Dynamic

Jean also spoke about this interesting Host-Guest Dynamic that exists in business meals between the person who invites and the person invited. I was really digging this dynamic as a Sociology major:

As a guest, you must always follow the host. The host sets all the standards and rules for etiquette. Hosts must invite their guest to order all courses available and is expected to order the same number of courses--otherwise they alienate their guest by leaving them eating awkwardly by them self. Hosts must take care of their guests. A host’s responsibilities include paying the bill, tipping the coat check person, and/or the doorman for hailing a cab. The guest waits for the host to bring up the topic of business at a business meal. And it's a nice gesture for the host to toast to the guest before dessert. After being toasted, the guest of honor always reciprocates with a toast to the host.

General Business Etiquette

• Sending thank you notes are still said to distinguish you from others--I guess that means that no one sends them... Which is surprising because people recommend sending thank you notes so often that it's just about common sense. So don't make anyone have to tell you again: Send Thank You notes.
• Knowing who people are--whether that just be their name or even what they do--makes them feel important and gives them a reason to know your name and what you do.
• Always introduce yourself with your full name. That's what will help people remember YOU, John Doe, and not that guy with the generic male name.
• When in doubt, introduce others to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome.
• Stand when you shake hands with people to establish your presence and show them respect. Jean Papalia, Director of the Tufts Career Center, stressed that both males and females should stand seeing as the business world is gender neutral.
• Stand tall. At the lunch, Jean directed us all to stand tall, so we did. And then she told us to stand an inch taller, and it was amazing to see the crowd grow. Don't sell yourself short with posture--you're important; be confident.
• Be on time. You may be very busy, but the person you're meeting probably is too. Respect the time that person has set aside for you.

Although, I don't support the "manly" aspect of this diagram, I think it gives a great depiction of how to give a proper handshake (for all genders):

Interested in attending Dining with Confidence? Check our calendar for the spring 2014 event date! 

Best regards,

Until next time,

Nirvanna

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Heels and Handshakes: Women in Business

By Angela Sun

This past Saturday, while the Tufts campus buzzed with Homecoming festivities, the top level of the Hynes Convention Center in Downtown Boston was swept away by a different kind of excitement.

(Photo: Fillshoes.com)

Hundreds of undergraduate women aspiring to enter the business field gathered at the Intercollegiate Business Conference (IBC) hosted by Harvard Undergraduate Women in Business (HUWIB). Some students traveled from Babson or Wellesley, or even as far as from New York or Chicago. And I ran into about 20 or so Jumbos throughout the course of my day.

One look at the agenda and I knew why so many students dragged themselves out of bed as early as 4 AM to get to Hynes. The conference was packed with a truly incredible lineup of established speakers, representing JP Morgan, PwC, Google, NBC, Hewlett Packard, Estee Lauder, Citi Bank, and start-ups.

Our day opened with a keynote address from Sara Robb O'Hagan of Gatorade and Equinox Holdings, then broke out into three panel sessions. Lunch was followed by a keynote address from Donna Karan of DKNY, more panels, and a mini career fair. Panel choices included "Dress for Success: Expert Advice on Self-presentation for Young Professionals", "ECO-Centricity: Using Sustainability to put the Soul back in Business", "Finance 101", "Making the Rules: Public-Private Partnerships", and more.

I attended two panels. The first was "Deciphering the Dot-Com: Internet-Based Businesses". This session featured Joanna Boor, VP Sales and Advertising Operations at Pandora; Amanda Pouchot, Founder and CEO of Levo League; Peipei Zhou, Global Accounts Manager of Facebook; and Sarah Fay, Free Agent in Digital Marketing and Advertising; and Nimi Katragadda, Associate Product Marketing Manager at Google.

During this session, these incredibly successful women spoke frankly about their experiences and challenges as women in an industry so disproportionately dominated by men. Pouchot explained that there is not always universal understanding of the importance of increased workplace diversity. She recounted a time when a male colleague asked 'why do we need more females as engineers? what's wrong with the way it is now?' A female colleague of Pouchot's responded gracefully, "If our end-user is diverse, then it is important for the team behind the product to be diverse, so we can produce a product better tailored for our users." Pouchot concluded, "There is a lot to educate, but also learn from men." Boor urged, "Women tend to mentor each other, while men tend to sponsor each other. It's time that we start putting skin in the game. It's time for women to start sponsoring each other as well."

As I was listening to this panel, it struck me how meaningful that hour was. This panel was a safe place for women to speak openly about the realities of gender imbalance in the workplace, and also to give and receive honest advice about how to frame and address the issue. Indeed we've come a long way, but there is still many changes happening right now, and as Zhou emphasized to the attendees, "You, as young women, will be trailblazers in the workplace."

The second panel I attended was "Managing Medicine: Healthcare and Pharmaceuticals". Now I don't have a background in this topic at all, but that's exactly why I attended the session - I wanted to expand my knowledge base. The panelists Sophia Mian, Senior Analyst at Health Advances, and Jacqueline Hehir, Advisory Healthcare Consultant at PricewaterhouseCoopers made very industry-focused presentations. Both described their quintessential consulting experience, working in teams, with client-based projects, a lot of number-crunching, and late nights. I found Hehir's narrative particularly striking because, as she emphasized, PwC falls under the umbrella of an auditing firm...not what one associates first with 'healthcare'. However, this was precisely why Hehir found her passion in healthcare, "It's specialized, but also overarching, depending on how you define it. It's related to the campaign debates, and Donna Karan brought it up in her keynote address."

It's true, she did, which brings me to my last story....Donna Karan's keynote address during lunch. (One quick note, I was really glad I had attended the 'Dining with Confidence' event last year - please make sure you sign up next time Career Center offers it!) Now, I was beyond excited that Karan was speaking. As she walked across the stage, the little girl voice inside me kept squealing, "I love your clothes! I love your clothes!" And I could tell from looking around that most others were trying to keep it together as well.

Karan adjusted her mic, and began tracing her life story. She started from her being born on 7th Avenue, to getting fired from Anne Klein, to leading Anne Klein right after having a baby and Klein's death from cancer, to meeting her dream partner, and then losing him. As she said herself, her life was continuously marked by life and death. And it was these critical moments that became the driving force behind the evolution of her career and mission. For example, many of her close friends passed away from aids and ovarian cancer, which spurred to her to call upon the fashion industry to spearhead educational and fundraising efforts such as 'Seventh on Sale' and 'Super Saturday'. Most recently, as an ode to her husband Stephen Weiss, Karan has been working on Urban Zen, a foundation dedicated to well-being programs.

Looking at photos of Urban Zen initiatives and clothing collections on the screen, I began to appreciate the soul behind the clothing I adored. For each fantastic line, there was a vision and a purpose--be it to support the busyness of the modern professional, or to bring her back to a place of calm and zen. As Karan said, "I began dressing people, but also addressing them, from the inside." And this lesson is applicable to every field and industry. Every career path is an opportunity to make a difference, be it through the provision of information, financing, networks, or services. It was a powerful message for us students, who stand right at the starting line of our professional careers, and a highlight to my experience at the conference.

I strongly recommend students attend professional conferences like these. I met students from a wide range of backgrounds, from freshmen to seniors, and everyone got something out of it, be it a contact, an opportunity, or a message of inspiration.

This particular conference is an annual event. Tufts students can select the group rate, and input 'Tufts University', for a discounted price of about 30 dollars.

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