Before last Friday, I glanced over the "Etiquette Lunch" on the Career Center calendar a few times and, I must admit, I judged a little...
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| Uh............... No thanks! |
Maybe it's because I'm a quintessential millennial--a product of my generation--that the idea of sacrificing my individuality to be professional and please others has always sounded like my own personal hell.
It wasn't until Shimrit, a career counselor, directly invited me to the Etiquette Lunch that I consciously moved past my judgments, overcame my bias for the word, etiquette, and recognized the opportunity for adventure and growth.
Like I did with Career Center Counseling, I decided to jump in, give it a try, and see for myself just exactly what all this "etiquette" business (or rather "business etiquette") was all about...
On Etiquette
Business is all about people, and all etiquette really involves is making people feel comfortable and good.
It's being nice--Showing a lil' R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Because when you're nice, people will like you, and it really does pay to be liked! In the business world, this could literally add up monetarily! Or you could benefit through harvesting connections in your network-- meeting the right people, getting that big deal, making that big sale, or moving up the ranks of your company because the people at the top want to be around you!
Specifically in terms of dining, having knowledge of formal American dining etiquette can differentiate you from your peers and make you a competitive candidate for a job position. Maybe you and your co-worker are both really good employees, but who is an employer going to feel comfortable sending out with a client for a business dinner? That's who gets the promotion.
Dining with Confidence
The Etiquette Lunch turned out to be a fun and valuable experience! I really enjoyed it. It was essentially a formal 4-course meal at a table with other people who signed up to be there, accompanied by a presentation by Jean Papalia, Director of Tufts Career Center.
I was seated with a fellow senior, a freshman IR major, a Fletcher student, and Denise Philips from the Africana Center. The random crowd made small talk a little challenging for me, but I loved that it mimicked a real world setting--I'll surely have to connect with people from diverse backgrounds on an actual business lunch.
Jean Papalia gave a great presentation equipped with clickers for an in-presentation quiz, funny photos of etiquette gone wrong, and helpfully outlined tips.
What I loved most about the presentation was that Jean made it clear from the start that she was teaching us the "rules," but it was up to us if and when to use them. With this newly granted freedom, etiquette transformed from a prison of social conduct into a tool I could use to impress higher-ups and be a great host to clients in a formal dining setting.
Jean's primary point about business dinner etiquette is: It's not about the food. As mentioned earlier, business is all about people, and all etiquette really involves is making people feel comfortable and good.
Still, for much of the lunch, I felt like I was getting "Princess" lessons. It was kind of fun for someone who was taught to be feminine her whole life...
It was especially fun to learn about place settings--a basic know-how of etiquette. BMW was a helpful acronym Jean taught us to help prevent drinking from someone else's glass or accidentally stealing someone's bread plate. It stands for BREAD, MEAL, WATER. So your bread is on the left of your meal and your water is on the right...
Here's a diagram of a typical formal place setting:
Some basic Formal Dining Don'ts & Do's
The Etiquette Lunch turned out to be a fun and valuable experience! I really enjoyed it. It was essentially a formal 4-course meal at a table with other people who signed up to be there, accompanied by a presentation by Jean Papalia, Director of Tufts Career Center.
I was seated with a fellow senior, a freshman IR major, a Fletcher student, and Denise Philips from the Africana Center. The random crowd made small talk a little challenging for me, but I loved that it mimicked a real world setting--I'll surely have to connect with people from diverse backgrounds on an actual business lunch.
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| We made it work: the conversation was lively. |
What I loved most about the presentation was that Jean made it clear from the start that she was teaching us the "rules," but it was up to us if and when to use them. With this newly granted freedom, etiquette transformed from a prison of social conduct into a tool I could use to impress higher-ups and be a great host to clients in a formal dining setting.
Jean's primary point about business dinner etiquette is: It's not about the food. As mentioned earlier, business is all about people, and all etiquette really involves is making people feel comfortable and good.
Still, for much of the lunch, I felt like I was getting "Princess" lessons. It was kind of fun for someone who was taught to be feminine her whole life...
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| What are your feelings on the board's compensation decision, Princess? |
Here's a diagram of a typical formal place setting:
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| Cutlery-wise, work your way in! |
DON'T Be the first to order alcohol... Because if everyone else orders seltzer, you'll look be looking REAL LUSH. Jean recommends never having more than one drink. People do notice, and if you accidentally trip or anything later, they might instinctively blame it on your drinking.
DO Leave your napkin on your lap for the entire meal. The only time you should pick it up is to dab your face. At the meal's end, you can fold it loosely and set it on the table. If you need to get up, just place the napkin on your chair, and replace it on your lap when you return.
DON'T Don't touch your dishes. Don't move them around from where they've been placed. Let your waiter put them down and take them away. When you finish eating, don't stack your plates.
DO Take your time with messier foods, like soup! Spoon your soup away from your face to keep it from dripping, and then put the spoon in your mouth. With noodle dishes, don't cut your noodles or swirl them in a spoon--do swirl small amounts against your plate. It's easier and neater!
DON'T Spit inedible parts of food into your napkin. The rule is, the food has to come out of your mouth the way it got in. So if there's an olive in your salad, remove the pit from your mouth with a fork and place it on the side of your plate.
DO Cut your food however you like. At the lunch, we learned the difference between American and Continental styles of eating (and I'm sure if you're interested, there are demonstrative videos on YouTube), but it turns out both are acceptable styles in the United States.
DON'T Shove an entire piece of bread into your mouth. Instead, rip a small bite-size piece of bread off the roll, then butter just that piece before eating. It's really gross for others to talk to someone with a mouthful of carby-substance. And don't dip your bread into anything-- Not into your soup, not into your side dish--it's sloppy!
DO Include everyone in the conversation. If you don't know what to say, ask questions! People love to talk about themselves. Ask about career paths and courses, hobbies, the weather, movies and books. Stay away from topics like sports (it can be an alienating topic), sex/relationships (not as obvious as you would think!), politics, and religion...
DON'T Talk about anything too controversial. Having different opinions on a movie is one thing, but when you bring politics and religion into your dinner conversation, things can get really uncomfortable and distract from the purpose of the meeting.
DO Silence your phone and put it away. It isn't appropriate to set your phone to “vibrate” and excuse yourself from the table to take a call. The only exceptions are life and death situations like births, surgeries, and deaths, which count as emergencies.
DO Leave your napkin on your lap for the entire meal. The only time you should pick it up is to dab your face. At the meal's end, you can fold it loosely and set it on the table. If you need to get up, just place the napkin on your chair, and replace it on your lap when you return.
DON'T Don't touch your dishes. Don't move them around from where they've been placed. Let your waiter put them down and take them away. When you finish eating, don't stack your plates.
DO Take your time with messier foods, like soup! Spoon your soup away from your face to keep it from dripping, and then put the spoon in your mouth. With noodle dishes, don't cut your noodles or swirl them in a spoon--do swirl small amounts against your plate. It's easier and neater!
DON'T Spit inedible parts of food into your napkin. The rule is, the food has to come out of your mouth the way it got in. So if there's an olive in your salad, remove the pit from your mouth with a fork and place it on the side of your plate.
DO Cut your food however you like. At the lunch, we learned the difference between American and Continental styles of eating (and I'm sure if you're interested, there are demonstrative videos on YouTube), but it turns out both are acceptable styles in the United States.
DON'T Shove an entire piece of bread into your mouth. Instead, rip a small bite-size piece of bread off the roll, then butter just that piece before eating. It's really gross for others to talk to someone with a mouthful of carby-substance. And don't dip your bread into anything-- Not into your soup, not into your side dish--it's sloppy!
DO Include everyone in the conversation. If you don't know what to say, ask questions! People love to talk about themselves. Ask about career paths and courses, hobbies, the weather, movies and books. Stay away from topics like sports (it can be an alienating topic), sex/relationships (not as obvious as you would think!), politics, and religion...
DON'T Talk about anything too controversial. Having different opinions on a movie is one thing, but when you bring politics and religion into your dinner conversation, things can get really uncomfortable and distract from the purpose of the meeting.
DO Silence your phone and put it away. It isn't appropriate to set your phone to “vibrate” and excuse yourself from the table to take a call. The only exceptions are life and death situations like births, surgeries, and deaths, which count as emergencies.
Host-Guest Dynamic
Jean also spoke about this interesting Host-Guest Dynamic that exists in business meals between the person who invites and the person invited. I was really digging this dynamic as a Sociology major:
As a guest, you must always follow the host. The host sets all the standards and rules for etiquette. Hosts must invite their guest to order all courses available and is expected to order the same number of courses--otherwise they alienate their guest by leaving them eating awkwardly by them self. Hosts must take care of their guests. A host’s responsibilities include paying the bill, tipping the coat check person, and/or the doorman for hailing a cab. The guest waits for the host to bring up the topic of business at a business meal. And it's a nice gesture for the host to toast to the guest before dessert. After being toasted, the guest of honor always reciprocates with a toast to the host.
General Business Etiquette
- Sending thank you notes are still said to distinguish you from others--I guess that means that no one sends them... Which is surprising because people recommend sending thank you notes so often that it's just about common sense. So don't make anyone have to tell you again: Send Thank You notes.
- Knowing who people are--whether that just be their name or even what they do--makes them feel important and gives them a reason to know your name and what you do.
- Always introduce yourself with your full name. That's what will help people remember YOU, John Doe, and not that guy with the generic male name.
- When in doubt, introduce others to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome.
- Stand when you shake hands with people to establish your presence and show them respect. Jean Papalia, Director of the Tufts Career Center, stressed that both males and females should stand seeing as the business world is gender neutral.
- Stand tall. At the lunch, Jean directed us all to stand tall, so we did. And then she told us to stand an inch taller, and it was amazing to see the crowd grow. Don't sell yourself short with posture--you're important; be confident.
- Be on time. You may be very busy, but the person you're meeting probably is too. Respect the time that person has set aside for you.
Although, I don't support the "manly" aspect of this diagram, I think it gives a great depiction of how to give a proper handshake (for all genders):
Interested in attending Dining with Confidence? Check our calendar for the spring 2014 event date!
Best regards,
Until next time,
Nirvanna
