Have you ever been to a networking event where you’re just supposed to “mingle”? It’s hard to know what to do in such an unstructured social situation, and it pretty much feels like this at first:
You don’t want to end up awkwardly wandering around hoping to make eye contact with another single person or awkwardly hovering outside an existing conversation. Which is exactly how I spent the beginning of my first professional cocktail party, so I wanted to write a post with tips to help out other students who may have to deal with this kind of situation.
Starting a conversation
This particular event was a launch party for the new
Boston chapter of the
Women In Media Mentoring Initiative, so people were very friendly because the explicit purpose of the event was to help each other. Still, after I put down my coat and got some food, I didn’t really know what to do.
I had met a few other Tufts students headed to the event on the Joey, and for the first few minutes we just talked to each other. Going to an event with a friend can help you feel more comfortable, but don’t stick with someone you know the whole time or you’re selling yourself short and not getting as much out of the opportunity. And you might come across as not open to others - it’s really intimidating to go up to two people who are clearly friends already.
First, I talked to another student for a few minutes to sort of ease in, and then I introduced myself to literally the first person who walked across my path. She turned out to be a really valuable contact, because I’m currently in an Entrepreneurial Leadership class and she works at a company we’d need to sign licenses from as the foundation of our proposed business plan. So don’t be narrow-minded about who you talk to – even if someone isn’t in your industry, you never know how they might help you. That being said, it can be valuable to look at the guest list ahead of time and find a couple highly relevant people to make a point of meeting. For example, I made sure to talk to a recent Tufts grad who works at a company I’m aiming for.
When I didn’t have someone to talk to, I’d try to find someone else who was also alone at the moment and then I’d go up and introduce myself: “Hi, I’m Morgan. I’m a senior at Tufts majoring in sociology, and I’m working on going into marketing.” If I’m the second to introduce myself, I finish with a question about their work or otherwise my default question - more on that later. Think of your one-line intro ahead of time and practice it so you have it memorized. I learned this last summer when calling around about internships: phone calls made me nervous back then, so in the middle of a sentence I’d totally blank on what I was supposed to say and it came out really halting and awkward. Once, I was leaving a message and I forgot my own phone number.
Not a good first impression. Soooo practice saying your intro ahead of time.
Trying to strike up a conversation with a total stranger can be nerve-wracking, but if you act friendly and confident, they’ll feel the same way and it’ll go smoothly. Fake it till you make it if necessary. If there were no single people near me, I’d look for another Tufts student and join their conversation. They’d pause and introduce me, so it was a comfortable way to break in. In a large group (like say five people), you can start by introducing yourself to one person and asking what the conversation is about.
The actual conversation
The simplest tip I can give here is: don’t try to eat while you’re talking to people. Even if you stick to easy-to-eat foods, it makes shaking hands tricky, and there’s a lot of potential for embarrassment. I accidentally tipped my plate and something fell off and rolled across the floor, and also I ate something that was difficult to bite off and then I ended up with it awkwardly hanging out of my mouth. Luckily, this while I was still talking to other students at the beginning, and I quickly learned my lesson.
I did like having a drink because it gave me something to do during pauses in conversation. Hold it in your left hand so your handshake isn’t cold and wet. And needless to say, even if it’s a cocktail party, don’t get drunk, or even tipsy. Just don’t.
There’s a time and a place for that, and this isn’t it.
As to the actual conversation, I came prepared with a few questions that would apply to everyone so I could get the ball rolling and also have a topic waiting in the wings if conversation started to peter out. Obviously this will vary depending on your particular situation, but since we’re students, a good standby for any occasion is “Do you have any advice for someone looking to break into this field? What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out?” You should listen more than you talk - especially since, as students, it’s pretty much guaranteed that we have more to learn from them than the other way around.
Ending a conversation
I had a lot of questions for the person relevant to my business plan, and I could easily have talked to her for half an hour or more, but don’t spend too much time on one person because then you won’t get much networking done. If you’re really hitting it off, get their contact info and ask if you can follow up. That will lead to a stronger connection anyway, so it’s good to save some conversation for later. That being said, don’t feel like you have to meet every person in the room. Better to make a few strong connections that have only short superficial conversations and end up not leaving an impression on anyone.
When you’re ending a conversation, don’t feel the need to make an excuse about why you have to leave. Nobody will fault you – they want to meet a lot of different people too. It’s totally acceptable to just say “Well, it was great to meet you, I learned a lot about ___. I’ll definitely look into ___. Can we exchange contact info?” The worst thing you can do is let a conversation run on when you’re no longer interested and start glancing around for better opportunities. You may think you’re smooth, but you'll look like this:
You can't hide that you're looking away and they'll know you're not interested. And it'll ruin any progress you've made in connecting with them. For the time you’re talking to someone, be there 100%, even if the conversation doesn’t seem directly helpful to you. As my rugby coach tells us, "if you half-a** it because you can't decide, you're gonna fail at both things."
Follow up
After the conversation, jot notes on the back of their business card so you remember who this person is, what you talked about, and any follow-up needed. I did this after every interaction and it was really helpful for when I later added them on LinkedIn because in the “add me” message I could refer to something specific that we talked about. Still, you should add your new contacts as soon as possible while you’re fresh on their mind. If you do look into something they told you about, you can message them on LinkedIn or Twitter to thank them. It’ll help them remember you, and they’ll feel needed/useful, so they’ll be more likely to help you out in the future.
In short:
Be friendly and confident, just walk right up and introduce yourself. Same with breaking into existing conversations - it's difficult at first but you just have to screw up your courage and do it. (But practice your introduction first, and have some broadly applicable default questions ready.) Talk to anyone, because you never know who might be helpful. Don't try to eat while you're talking to people, and definitely don't get drunk. When the conversation has run its course, politely thank the person you're talking to and move on, no excuse needed. Afterward, jot notes on business cards to remember individual conversations, and add the people you met on LinkedIn as soon as possible using personalized thank you messages.
